Newly Engaged: Your Step-by-Step Guide for What to Do First (before you start booking everything)
There’s a sparkly new ring on your finger, your inbox and notifications are blowing up, and suddenly your For You Page is all about wedding inspo. We know it is tempting to dive head first into booking vendors, buying dresses, and building mood boards, but there’s a smarter way to start your planning journey.
Let’s take a deep breath and avoid the overwhelm. We’ll walk you through step-by step just exactly what to do first after getting engaged— so your wedding planning feels full of excitement—not chaotic.
1. Celebrate First (Before You Get Strategic)
Before you start Googling venues or scrolling Pinterest for bouquet ideas, take time to soak it all in. This is a once-in-a-lifetime moment. Whether it’s an intimate celebration for two or a surprise party with friends, mark the occasion in a way that feels special to you.
Try this:
Take engagement photos (even if they’re casual)
Write each other a letter about the proposal day
Pop champagne and toast to the journey ahead
These little moments become the memories you’ll carry with you when planning gets stressful later on.
Photo courtesy of Stephanie Flock Photography
2. Talk About Your Big Picture Vision
You’ve said “YES!” Once the exhilaration has settled, it’s time to talk about the what, why, and how of your wedding day. Skip the to-do list for now and focus on your shared vision as a couple.
Key Questions to Discuss Together:
What kind of vibe do we want? (Elegant, relaxed, destination, rustic, backyard, glam, boho…)
Do we want something small and intimate, or a big event full of family and friends?
What feeling do we want our guests (and ourselves) to leave with?
Are there any traditions that are really important to us? Any that we’d just as soon skip?
Do we want to be involved in every element of planning, or do we want someone else to handle the details?
This isn’t about locking in decisions right now. It’s about getting your vision aligned so you don’t plan a wedding that reflects Pinterest trends more than your relationship.
Backyard wedding with guests in casual attire
3. Set Your Budget (This Is Critical)
Budget is the number one factor that will help you determine your guest list, venue, vendor team, and overall design. Fact— every couple has a budget, whether conservative or all out luxury. And here’s a spoiler alert: weddings cost more than most couples expect.
Here’s how to start:
Determine who’s contributing to the fund (you, your parents, others)
Decide on a total budget and a reasonable buffer
Research average costs in your area or the area where you plan to get married (they can vary a lot!!)
Allocate your budget by what’s most important to you— an amazing venue, photography to capture the moments you’ll cherish, food. (Note that your Venue + Catering usually adds up to about 40–50% of the total budget.)
Pro Tip: Focus spending on what matters most and reduce costs in areas that don’t make your eyes light up.
4. Choose a Rough Timeframe or Season
You don’t need an exact date yet, but choosing a general season of the year or month will help you start checking venue availability and plan around weather, travel, or other important life events (like your little sister’s graduation).
Questions to Ask:
Do we want to get married in 6 months, 12 months, or longer?
Is there a meaningful date or season for us?
Are we open to weekdays or off-season weddings to save money?
Bonus: Popular months like May, September, October tend to book up fast, so starting early gives you more vendor options.
5. Draft Your Guest List (At Least Roughly)
You don’t need the full spreadsheet with mailing addresses yet, but your guest count impacts everything: venue size, catering budget, rental needs, and more. And while your mom, BFF, and second cousin twice-removed will have an opinion, the only opinion and decision that really matters is yours.
Start by building three columns:
Must-have guests (close family, ride-or-dies)
Nice-to-have guests
Optional guests (plus-ones, coworkers, distant relatives)
Pro Tip: Don’t stress about final numbers yet—just get a sense of scale.
6. Start Researching and Exploring Venue Options (But Don’t Panic-Book)
Once you know your guest count, vibe, and budget, you’re ready to start looking for venues. Your venue sets the tone for your entire wedding and often eats the largest slice of your budget pie. Most couples visit at least 4 to 6 venues before finalizing a decision.
Tips for Touring Venues:
Ask what’s included (tables, chairs, rentals, day-of coordination?)
Inquire about backup plans for bad weather—having a rain plan is a must if you intend on an outdoor ceremony!
Ask how long you get access to the venue
Get clear on setup and breakdown policies; who is responsible for clean up of the venue
Ask about vendor policies— are you required to hire vendors only from a preferred list, or is it an open vendor policy
Don’t be afraid to ask for a sample contract
Avoid this mistake: Booking a beautiful venue without understanding how much extra you’ll need to bring in- and pay for (think: lighting, restrooms, staffing, etc.).
7. Research and Book Key Vendors Early
Once you have your venue and date are confirmed, it’s time to lock in the most in-demand vendors. These often book up 12–18 months in advance.
Book These First:
Photographer/Videographer
Wedding Planner or Coordinator
Catering Team (if not provided by venue)
Entertainment (Band or DJ)
Then move onto florals, rentals, hair and makeup, stationery, etc.
Pro Tip: Ask vendors who they love working with—referrals can help you build a cohesive dream team.
8. Get Organized (Without a 500-Tab Spreadsheet)
While some people just love a good Excel sheet, most of us aren’t quite into that. You don’t need a complicated wedding binder or 12 trendy apps, but you do need a system that works for you.
Try This:
Set up a dedicated email for wedding stuff (e.g. thefuturemrandmrs@gmail.com)
Use a shared Google Doc or digital white board
Bookmark vendor websites and inspiration
Keep contracts in one easy-to-find folder
There are plenty of tools, but consistency is more important than complexity.
9. Don’t Forget the Legal Stuff
Depending on your state or country, you may need to plan ahead for:
Marriage license wait times or expiration windows
Blood tests (rare, but still required in some areas)
Officiant rules and registration
Name change steps (if applicable)
Tip: Add legal to-dos to your calendar so you’re not left scrambling a week before the wedding.
10. Stay Focused on What Matters
It’s easy to get caught up in seating charts and signature cocktails, but the best weddings aren’t about perfection—they’re about being present and creating memories. Don’t get swept into doing everything just because it’s expected.
Keep coming back to this simple question:
“Does this feel like us?”
The most unforgettable weddings are the ones where the couple is happy, relaxed, and connected with each other and their guests—not the ones with the most post-worthy flower wall.
More Tips— What Not to Do Right Away
Avoid these common mistakes couples make after getting engaged:
Booking vendors before choosing your venue
Announcing your date before locking anything in
Letting other people’s opinions run the show (remember what I said about that second cousin twice removed?)
Assuming DIY always saves money
Buying all those expensive decorations because someone is having a sale
Trying to do everything at once
Planning a wedding is a marathon, not a sprint. And there’s no prize for doing it the fastest.
Final Thoughts—
Getting engaged is truly magical—but it can quickly turn to overwhelming if you don’t pause and prioritize. Starting with a solid foundation and vision that sets you up for a wedding that’s not only beautiful, but also meaningful, full of joy, and speaks to who you are.
So take a deep breath in. Celebrate. Get aligned with your partner.
Then start building the wedding day of your dreams—with clarity and intention.
Want more tips or need help with planning? Follow us on Instagram @rusticandmoreweddingdecor
